(not) everyone hates me
Actually I think most people like me. But I often condition myself to think that people don't like me, at least as a default. I'm not a people-pleaser, nor do I want to be. I want to be comfortable with the fact that people may not like me, which allows me to independently take actions that are best for both me and others.
Advantages of assuming someone doesn't like you:
- You won't be hurt if it turns out they actually don't like you.
- You won't feel as bad if you are excluded from their party or similar, whether intentionally or by accident.
- You are less likely to rely on the good graces of others to define your own self worth. (A bit chicken-and-egg, to be fair.)
- Stakes are lower in social situations, which usually leads to less anxiety and better social outcomes.
Disadvantages of assuming someone doesn't like you:
- You may underestimate how much of an impact you have on them.
- If your source of self-esteem mostly comes from other people, you may end up depressed.
- You may not feel it's important to be likeable if you assume everyone already dislikes you.
- If you really want someone to like you, you may take actions far beyond what's necessary to achieve that result.
After writing this all down, I'm honestly not sure if I should change my approach. I'll keep thinking about it.
If you post a reply on another blog or social media, or just want to chat, email me! christopher@cg505.com